Saturday, May 3, 2008

No Boobs for Oil

I don't know how things like this keep ending up in my inbox.

It seems the most frequent solicitors of the female flesh these days are not trying to make a quick buck. No. They have a higher calling to "protest". And, what horribly selfish person could say no to that?

In recent years, I've been asked to participate in a number of projects. There was the Iraq War protest where groups of women were photographed with their naked bodies spelling the word "peace". There was the protest against the Taliban where women were expected to walk naked around the block while the men watched with a six-pack of beer (fully clothed, I presume).

I will state, once and for all, where I stand on this. No, I'm not interested in getting naked to protest. I don't see how naked women make a good protest. All closet gay Republicans aside, I assume most of these protests will be reaching heterosexual men. Last I heard, they like looking at naked women. I don't plan to reward them for an unjustified war or anything else. No thank you.

Every time someone suggests a naked protest, their male sympathizers add their encouragement, eager to be "supportive" and volunteer the services of every woman they know. Yet, they never volunteer their own.

I would like to know why? If anything is likely to strike fear and disgust into the hearts of those in power, it would probably be pictures of naked men, "artfully" arranged. Now, I'm not discounting the buff young Adonises, because bringing out the latent homosexual impulses is sure to make them uncomfortable....but, let's get creative here. If you could be better served by a weedwacker than a razor, then this is especially for you.

If you have a third nipple, a vestigial tale, or anything else that can't be explained by science....well then, I'm definitely talking to you! It's time to stand up and do your duty for your country. If you believe in your cause as much as you say, this shouldn't be a problem, right?

I will save my naked flesh for worthier causes.

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